Sunday, June 5, 2011

Looney Tune, as told by Eric (the best friend)

Eric, learning life lessons from Looney Tune.

While on a downtown adventure, Murphy and family ran into a homeless man who called himself "Looney Tune." This is the account of that story, as told by Eric, who was roped into a twenty minute conversation. This is what happened...

While downtown one night, in September of 2010, I had a conversation with a man that would change my life forever. He was a downtrodden sage who smelled of whiskey and bad decisions, and the wisdom he imparted on me that day is something that I will never forget. 

We were just standing around when he approached me. He asked Murphy to bum a cigarette, and I vaguely remember him asking for quarters. We then struck up a conversation after Murphy continuously mentioned that he looked like her dad. She may have been a little inebriated, because she ignored his constant reply: "I don't look like your fuckin' dad." 

In order to distract him long enough for Murphy to get away, I somehow ended up sitting on a bench with him for what felt like several hours. But in reality, it was only about twenty minutes. While sitting on that bench, he regaled me with woebegone tales of his homelessness in Savannah, and insisted that I try on his hat. As interesting of a hat as it was, I feared I may contract some incurable disease had I placed it on my head, so I politely declined. 

During our conversation, Looney Tune began dishing out life advice. As I sat there, sipping on my beer and listening to this crazy homeless man, I realized that he probably had no idea where the fuck he was. So I continued to listen to this schizophrenic homeless man as he continued giving his life lessons to, as I imagined he saw me, a giant gummy bear or an injured Confederate soldier. 

Thankfully, I received a respite from his tirade, as Murphy reapproached us and asked if he was, in fact, Satan. He stopped mid-sentence from his drunken monologue and cried: "I don't mess with no devil."

"The only thing the devil does," he said, turning back to me and waving his finger in my face, "is suck on my ass when he tries to put his dick in my face."

I was awestruck. Never had truer words been spoken by a man so completely oblivious to his surroundings. I could tell that this man was in a constant state of fear that at any moment the devil would return to hunt his backside. I then understood that no problem I had, however big or small, compared to what this man had to suffer every single day of his life. 

I cannot imagine that I will ever meet up with Looney Tune again, but I suspect that he's out there, fighting the good fight. As for me, I will never forget his words of wisdom that no one but I will ever understand. 

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